I'm so tired, at times I think I'm not going to make it. It's the kind of tired where I'm starting to lose my memory about blocks of time. I'll be lying in bed and thinking I'm still holding the baby and have a freak out moment where I wonder if I've squished him. And then I realize he's safe in his crib and I'm in bed, though I don't remember how I got there. Or I awake and feel like the bed is rocking like the rocking chair only to realize it is me swaying back and forth and saying, "SHHHHHHHH." Will this end? I don't remember how long this phase lasts. While I nurse in the night I have strange thoughts like how many other women in my neighborhood are awake with their babies now? It helps me feel like I'm not alone and there are surely other nocternal mommies out there suffering too. I wake in the morning to find my glasses on, dried spit up all over my shoulder, and my shorts are on backward and inside out. It's almost comical and maybe when I've had a few more hours sleep I'll find enough energy to have a laugh about it.
The scary and demented part is that I have quite a few friends who have new babies and I take secret joy in hearing that they have it worse than I do. One particular friend is getting less sleep than I am and I secretly find victory in that. Isn't that just so mean? I blame the lack of sleep for this evil streak in me. Actually she is the only friend who seems to be worse off. My other friends are having 5-7 hour stretches of sleep and it is all I can do to smile and be happy for them. I want everyone to suffer with me! It's so sick and wrong....
Or my other problem is that I think I hear the baby crying even when he isn't. I'll be relaxing with my husband and then startle him with, "Do you hear that?" No. "He's crying." No, don't hear it. And I will check in on him and he's sleeping peacefully. Sometimes I even hear him when I'm holding him and looking directly at him and know he isn't crying. This is the tiredness, right? It's so weird.
On the knitting front, well...who am I kidding. I don't have time to knit! So I'm going to shamelessly post some pictures of my purse patterns that are for sale on my Web site. Why not? I haven't posted them here before. Nothing like a little traffic to my site, right?
I saw that Jenny purchased my pattern and finished her purse really fast! It's way cute. I find more joy out of seeing people create my patterns than I do anything else.
I promise to be more interesting later when I've had more sleep. Oh gosh. I think I hear the baby crying.
